The Angel of Road Kill

Now more then ever I’m baffled. Last night I had dinner with four amazing, fantastic, and brilliant people. We ate, we shared, we grew as friends, and we of course laughed. Mostly we laughed about my irrational fear, a fear we now refer to as ‘the Angel of Road Kill’.

This is where I’ll begin, with what this fear was. About a year ago I had this stupidly awful irrational fear. It went something like this. Every time we passed road kill on the highway/interstate/rural road I’d think, “Ok, I hope the angel in charge of road kill gets that carcass where it is supposed to go.” My next thought followed instantaneously, “Otherwise, if he messes up I’ll wake up tonight with that dead raccoon in my mouth.” Yes, that was a literal fear of mine. I wasn’t paralyzed by it, but I did sometimes worry about that. No longer though! I have risen above worldly fears and am now worried about more concrete things like terrorism and wrinkles. But before I embarrass myself further I’ll move onto my point.

Soon I’ll be heading off to California and leaving these people and that really scares me. Will I find any other people like this in California? Will I find acceptance and belonging? My question is this: Is my fear of leaving Iowa and these new amazing people, a kind of ‘Angel of Road Kill’ scenario? Is it a valid fear and should I worry that within nine months these people could be gone? It’s entirely within the realm of possibility that these fantastic people will no longer be in Iowa when I return.

So I am in a place of confusion. There are other reasons I feel I should maybe just stay, such as Heartland. Heartland is amazing; it is not my home away from home, its home. Things are happening here that belong in epics, but instead are being lived out. Obviously, Bethel is also experiencing more or less the same things. But why leave and spend countless dollars when maybe what is happening there will happen here in Iowa soon? So I’m wondering all of this and hoping I’ll know what I’m supposed to do by the time I go to bed tonight. Hopefully, I’ll also go to bed without a raccoon in my mouth :) So much more conquering my fear....