In

One perk of being away from home is that I have become really aware of how I deal with things. Example: in the past I was very good at not being honest with myself. Justification and dodging the truth were my games and I played them darn well. But away from home I have to be honest with myself, I have tell it how it is. It’s been hard, but also very liberating. I’m growing up as I do this, I’m becoming more me….through honesty identity is being forged. Anyway, within this state of self-awareness I’ve noticed something and it relates to my interests and why I find them, well…interesting.

If you know me, you know that I like to be “in” on it. I like watching the acclaimed show (Arrested Development), reading that bestselling book (Eat, Pray, Love), and listening to that latest craze song (Boom, Boom, Pow). But I’ve noticed sometimes that the show/book/song isn’t really interesting to me, it’s just interesting to everyone else. Therefore I feel like I need to watch/read/listen to it just so I can be on the IN-side. When I started to realize that I spent time on things I didn’t necessarily enjoy, I was kind of surprised. Internally, I have always prided myself on being who I am but I was following the crowd in this regard. I suppose everyone has this “in syndrome”: Starbucks is an example, as is any and all Apple products. People like buying things that represent their status as a hipster, but I think there is a fine line between following a fad and losing who you are.

Growing up I literally prayed this prayer, “God, let me be unique.” It was an unnecessary prayer looking back; I was unique… and thankfully I still am. But my obsession with certain fads isn’t unique at all in fact it’s the exact opposite. To clarify: fads aren’t bad, that is not what I’m saying at all. It’s great to read a book that others have read because it’s usually an awesome conversation starter. But I think that reading a book just to start a conversation about it, is stupid. I did that sometimes, I’d actually read a whole freaking book just so, if the opportunity presented itself, I could tell people I read it and how thoroughly I “enjoyed” it. I fondly remember a couple books that I didn’t enjoy reading (the Amber Spyglass fits nicely into that category), but I finished them just so, A) I could say I did and B) to feel cultured.

To be fair, part of this has to do with my mildly OCD peeve about finishing something I start. If I read one of the Lord of the Rings books, I need to read them all. If I buy one fantastic song off an album, I need to buy the rest of that fantastical album. It’s an offense to God to buy one Tegan and Sara song and not buy all of them eventually. Finishing what I start is basically an art to me…

Lately I’ve been learning to not only like things I like, but to stand my conviction that I liked them in the first place. For instance, I loved the movie Rachel Getting Married, but everyone else here hates it lividly. It was a learning experience for me because I really love that movie and in some way, I had to stand by my principles: I liked it and if you didn’t that’s fine.

My obsession with being “in” on things even went as far as compromising some of my morals. I found myself justifying things and it was then that I realized something was happening, something I had the power to stop…. and so I stopped it. I deleted TV shows, threw out some books, and you know what? I feel ok. I think I actually gained something. I was afraid I would feel bad after I threw the stuff out, as if I was throwing a piece of myself out.. I was actually identifying so much with materials that I was sinning to find an identity. That wasn’t a good place to be in, but I’m moving on up, kind of like the Jefferson’s. Anyway, here is a short rundown of what you can learn from my mistakes.

1. In the pursuit of being cultured, don’t forsake your interests and/or morals.

2. Like what you like, dislike what you dislike. If you can’t do this, you may need help on forming an opinion and sticking to it.

3. Identity should never be rooted in the temporal, but always in the eternal.

4. And finally, if someone doesn’t like your new favorite movie, it’s ok! It’s not personal, it’s just cinema….